The part about feeling resentful as you adapt yourself constantly for approval really resonates. Self awareness is really important because that’s the only way to overcome it.
I always become so angry with myself for my fawn response, right afterward. I infernally berate myself for not standing up against the poor treatment, unwanted touch, insults…
And JUST the other day I was making fun of myself for my inability to say no, how I always feel “trapped” with door to door solicitors for this reason, etc. and I laugh at it but now I want to cry… with relief at feeling validated as to why I do it, but also frustration and grief that i could have been “normal,” if only i’d been protected and prioritized, and considered, as a child.
@Talie Callaos you name something essential. The reframe from "people-pleaser" to "survival skill" shifts the question from "what's wrong with me" to "what was I adapting to."
What I've been exploring is where this pattern scales. The same nervous system logic that teaches a child to appease shapes how adults navigate workplaces and institutions. We've renamed fawning "professionalism," "emotional intelligence," "being a team player."
I wrote about this in "The Politics of Fawning." The body remembers first. The rest follows its lead.
The part about feeling resentful as you adapt yourself constantly for approval really resonates. Self awareness is really important because that’s the only way to overcome it.
This just switched on a lightbulb for me.
I always become so angry with myself for my fawn response, right afterward. I infernally berate myself for not standing up against the poor treatment, unwanted touch, insults…
And JUST the other day I was making fun of myself for my inability to say no, how I always feel “trapped” with door to door solicitors for this reason, etc. and I laugh at it but now I want to cry… with relief at feeling validated as to why I do it, but also frustration and grief that i could have been “normal,” if only i’d been protected and prioritized, and considered, as a child.
@Talie Callaos you name something essential. The reframe from "people-pleaser" to "survival skill" shifts the question from "what's wrong with me" to "what was I adapting to."
What I've been exploring is where this pattern scales. The same nervous system logic that teaches a child to appease shapes how adults navigate workplaces and institutions. We've renamed fawning "professionalism," "emotional intelligence," "being a team player."
I wrote about this in "The Politics of Fawning." The body remembers first. The rest follows its lead.
https://yauguru.substack.com/p/the-politics-of-fawning?r=217mr3
Something I didn’t know i needed to read
Beautifully said 🌺