Hey ,
it’s Your Psych NP, Talie,
You can know what happened to you and still struggle with how it affects you.
People recommend going to therapy,
read the books,
learn about your triggers,
and understand that what happened to you was not your fault,
but you still find yourself overthinking a text,
worrying when someone’s tone changes,
having a hard time trusting people,
or feeling like you have to keep everyone happy.
Sometimes your brain knows you are safe, but your body still feels like something bad is about to happen.
That can be really hard.
You may start asking yourself:
~ Why am I still like this?
~ Why can’t I just move on?
~ Why do I keep reacting this way?
I want you to know something.
Healing does not mean you will never get upset or triggered again.
It does not mean you forget what happened.
And it does not mean you have to become a whole new person.
Healing can mean learning how to respond in a new way when something reminds you of what you’ve been through.
Your reactions may have helped you survive
When you have been hurt over and over, your brain can become very focused on keeping you safe.
What I see as a psychiatric nurse practitioner: you may pay close attention to other people’s moods.
notice small changes in someone’s voice.
worry that people are going to leave.
may have a hard time relaxing when everything is okay.
may try to make everyone happy because it once felt safer to keep the peace.
may shut down when you feel overwhelmed.
may not even know what you want because you have spent so much time thinking about what everyone else needs.
These reactions did not come from nowhere.
At some point, they may have helped you get through something painful.
Complex PTSD is recognized in the ICD-11. It can include PTSD symptoms along with problems with managing emotions, relationships, and the way you see yourself.
That does not mean everyone who has been through trauma has complex PTSD. A mental health professional should make that diagnosis.
But learning about trauma can help you stop blaming yourself for every reaction you have.
Your brain may have learned to protect you really well.
Now you are learning that you may not need those same protections all the time.
Healing is more than understanding what happened
I think about this a lot.
We can spend years asking ourselves why we are the way we are.
~ Why do I people please?
~ Why am I so anxious?
~ Why is it so hard for me to trust people?
~ Why do I keep getting into the same kind of relationships?
~ Why is it so hard to say no?
When you begin to heal, you start asking questions:
~ What can I do differently now?
That takes practice.
Maybe someone doesn’t text you back.
Your first thought is:
“They are mad at me.”
Instead of sending more messages or assuming you did something wrong, you pause.
You take a breath.
You remind yourself:
“I don’t know what is happening yet.”
That is healing.
You tell someone no without feeling like you need to explain yourself for an hour.
That is healing.
You notice that you are getting overwhelmed and give yourself time to calm down.
That is healing.
You realize a relationship is hurting you and give yourself permission to leave.
That is healing too.
Other people may not even notice your growth.
But you will.
A note from me to you
If you have been following Mental Benefit for a while, you know that I talk a lot about trauma, healing, boundaries, self-trust, and learning to feel safe within yourself.
I don’t talk about these things because I think healing is easy.
I know it isn’t.
I’ve seen people understand their patterns and still have a hard time changing them.
I’ve seen how easy it is to get frustrated with yourself when you thought you would be further along by now.
Maybe you have felt that way too.
Maybe you have thought:
“I should be over this by now.”
“Why am I still struggling with this?”
“I thought I healed from this.”
Please give yourself some grace.
You are allowed to take your time.
You are allowed to have bad days.
You are allowed to outgrow people.
You are allowed to change your mind.
You are allowed to protect your peace.
And you are allowed to build a life that looks very different from the life you had to survive.
That is one of the reasons I wanted to write this newsletter.
I don’t just want to give you information.
I want Mental Benefit to be a place where you can come when you need a reminder that you are not alone.
🔒 The deeper work starts here
If you are a free subscriber, I hope the first part of this newsletter helped you see your reactions in a different way.
If you want to keep going with me, become a paid Mental Benefit subscriber.
In the paid section, we are going deeper into what healing complex trauma can look like in everyday life.
We’re going to talk about how to understand your reactions without judging yourself, how to trust yourself again, how to tell the difference between fear and your gut feeling, how to set boundaries without feeling guilty, and how to stop putting yourself last just to keep other people happy.
I’ll also give you questions to think about when you feel hurt, rejected, overwhelmed, or stuck.