The hard decision of cutting a Friend off
should you do it or not 😁 or 😞?
Learning how to navigate friendships with friends who will not change is one of the most important life skills.
The reality is that many people do not change simply because we want them to. Some may never acknowledge their behavior, take accountability, or develop the emotional maturity we hope for.
Waiting for them to become different can leave you feeling frustrated, disappointed, and emotionally exhausted.
Instead, consider focusing on these questions:
Can I accept this person as they are today, not who I hope they become?
What boundaries do I need to protect my peace?
What expectations are realistic for this relationship?
How much access should this person have to my time, energy, and emotions?
When they show you who they are believe them.
For example:
If someone is consistently unreliable, stop expecting reliability from them.
If someone struggles with emotional intimacy, stop looking to them for deep emotional support.
If someone repeatedly violates boundaries, strengthen your boundaries rather than repeatedly explaining them.
A sign of emotional growth is recognizing that your peace cannot depend on another person’s transformation.
As a psychiatric nurse practitioner, you may appreciate this perspective: suffering often comes not only from the behavior itself, but from the gap between who a person is and who we desperately want them to be.
I learned this the hard way. I had a friend that was headed down a dangerous path. I tried so hard to change them, help them and I started to lose myself. I asked myself the four questions above. I accepted them for who they were, but boundaries were constantly being crossed.
The expectations I had for her were never going to happen. I felt like I was constantly feeling disappointed. Ultimately, I decided to cut off access and stop wasting my time, energy, and emotions.
The healthiest relationships are built on reality, not potential. Sometimes the question isn’t, “How do I change them?” but rather, “Given who they are, what role do I want them to have in my life and do I want them to have a role in my life?”
Talie Callaos 💚✨
Mental Benefit | Mind. Mood. Movement.
This is such an amazing, practical, reflective practice. Our relationship with ourselves creates an overflow that supports all our other relationships.